Surviving Thanksgiving With Your Mental Health Intact
The holidays can be magical…and a lot. On one hand, you’ve got the cozy parts: Pumpkin spice lattes, Hallmark movies with the same three plots (that somehow still make you cry), The cool, crisp air, the golden afternoon light on the trees that makes everything feel softer and slower. All of that can genuinely bring joy, comfort, and a sense of nostalgia.
And then—there’s Thanksgiving.
For many people, Thanksgiving doesn’t feel like a soft-focus movie. It feels more like pressure, logistics, emotional landmines, and maybe even dread. Whether you’re hosting, driving across states, juggling multiple locations, or debating if you should go at all…this time of year can pull a lot to the surface.
Let’s talk about why—and more importantly, how to protect your mental health with some simple, powerful boundaries.
Why Thanksgiving Can Feel So Heavy
Even with the most low-key, loving families, Thanksgiving adds stress:
Pressure to have the perfect meal, perfect home, perfect photos
Tight schedules and travel
Being “on” socially for long stretches of time (mega drainer for us introverts!)
Old family roles and dynamics that you thought you’d outgrown
Now layer in more complex situations:
Divorced or separated parents – Trying to split time, not hurt feelings, and still have a minute to breathe.
Blended families – Negotiating step-parents, step-siblings, and multiple traditions.
Toxic relatives – The ones who ignore your boundaries, make cutting comments, or bring up topics they know are hurtful.
History of abuse or trauma – Just being around certain people, places, or traditions can trigger memories, body sensations, or intense emotions.
If any of this sounds familiar, you’re not “too sensitive” or “making a big deal out of nothing.” Your nervous system is responding to real stressors and past experiences.
So if part of you loves the holidays and part of you wants to crawl under a blanket until January? That makes sense.
The Secret Ingredient: Boundaries (Yes, Really)
“Boundaries” gets thrown around a lot in mental health conversations, but here’s the simple version:
A boundary is a way of saying what you will and won’t do, tolerate, or give—so you can protect your well-being.
Healthy boundaries aren’t about punishing other people. They’re about taking responsibility for your own emotional and mental health.
Over Thanksgiving, boundaries can help you:
Avoid overcommitting and burning out
Limit time with people who drain or hurt you
Feel more in control of your schedule
Make space for rest, joy, and real connection
You are allowed to shape your holiday in a way that works for you, not just what everyone else expects.
Let’s walk through a few simple, practical ways to do that.
1. Make Plans Ahead of Time (And Actually Share Them)
Instead of waiting to see “how things go” (which usually means saying yes to everything in the moment), take some time before Thanksgiving to:
Look at who’s invited or where you’re expected to be
Decide how long you realistically want to be there
Plan when you’ll arrive and when you’ll leave
Then, communicate your plan clearly to the people involved. For example:
“We’ll be there from 1:00–4:00, then we’re heading home to rest and watch a movie.”
“I’ll come for dessert, but I’m skipping dinner this year. I’ll see you all around 6:30.”
You don’t have to justify, over-explain, or give a full emotional TED Talk. A simple, calm statement of your plan is enough.
2. Stick to Your Timeline (Even If It Feels Awkward)
Once you’ve set a plan, honor it—even if someone pushes back or you feel guilty.
You might hear:
“You’re leaving already?”
“We never see you anymore.”
“Can’t you stay just a little longer?”
You’re allowed to be kind and firm at the same time:
“I know, it goes by fast. I’m sticking to my plan, but I’m really glad I got to see you.”
“I’d love to stay longer, but I need to head out now. Let’s catch up again soon.”
Following through on your boundaries teaches your brain something important: I can trust myself to take care of me.
3. Avoid Landmine Topics
Most families have a few “hot button” topics that turn the table into a debate stage: politics (especially in today’s political climate), parenting styles, your body, your relationship status, your career, religion, money—you know the ones.
If certain topics reliably leave you feeling small, attacked, or exhausted, it’s okay to:
Change the subject
Give a short, neutral response
Step away from the conversation - really….it’s ok to do this!
Some ideas for verbal responses:
“I’m not getting into that today. How’s work going for you?”
“I’d rather not talk about my body/weight/relationship right now. Let’s talk about that insane float from the Thanksgiving Day Parade this morning!”
“I’m going to grab some fresh air. I’ll be back in a bit.”
You don’t owe anyone access to your personal life, your trauma, or your emotional triggers just because it’s a holiday.
4. Take a Break and Breathe
Even with boundaries, Thanksgiving can still feel overwhelming at times. That doesn’t mean you’re failing or that the boundary “didn’t work”—it just means you’re human.
Build in small, private moments to reset your nervous system:
Step outside and feel your feet on the ground
Go to the bathroom and do a few slow, deep breaths
Take a short drive, a quick walk, or sit in your car for five minutes of quiet
Text a safe friend for encouragement
Try this simple grounding breath if you start to feel flooded:
Inhale for a count of 4
Hold for 5
Exhale slowly for 8
Repeat 4–5 times
Sometimes the kindest boundary you can set is with yourself: “I’m allowed to take a break.”
A Note If You Have a Toxic or Abusive History
If you’ve been abused by a family member, or being around certain people is deeply triggering, your safest boundary might be not going at all—or seeing them for a very limited time, in a public place, or with a support person.
Skipping a gathering to protect your mental health is not selfish. It’s self-preservation.
You are allowed to:
Choose who gets access to you
Redefine what “family time” means
Create new traditions that feel safer and more aligned with the life you’re building now
You’re Not Alone in Feeling This Way
If Thanksgiving feels complicated for you, you’re in good company. Many of the young adults and women I work with here on the Mississippi Gulf Coast and in Tennessee share the same mix of excitement, dread, grief, and hope this time of year.
The good news? You don’t have to figure it out alone.
Talking with a therapist can help you:
Sort through your feelings about family and the holidays
Identify your triggers and patterns
Practice setting and holding boundaries
Heal from past experiences so they don’t control your present
A Gentle Reminder
You don’t have to have the perfect home, perfect turkey, or picture-perfect family to “do Thanksgiving right.”
You are allowed to:
Protect your energy
Leave early
Say no
Ask for help
Choose peace over performance
You’ve made it through every hard holiday so far.
You can get through this one, too—this time with a little more intention, a few more boundaries, and a lot more kindness toward yourself.
You’ve got this.
If you’re in Mississippi or Tennessee and want support navigating family dynamics, holiday stress, or healing from past experiences, Sandpiper Counseling offers individual therapy for young adults and women, both in-person in Gulfport and via telehealth across the state and TN.
You don’t have to wait for the “perfect” moment to start. Sometimes the first step is just one honest conversation.
Written by: Amanda Whichard, MS, LPC-MHSP, LPC, NCC. Serving the Gulf Coast of Mississippi in-person or via telehealth anywhere in Mississippi or Tennessee. Edited with AI.
